READ: "W1nning" by Tim Grover

I admit it - I jumped down the TIm Grover rabbithole.  I love "Winning" more than I even loved "Relentless," an earlier book recommendation.

Studying the mindsets of elite athletes is fascinating, and no one likely knows more about what it takes to really excel in that world than Tim Grover who trained Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, and so many others. The book starts out as a bit of a tribute to Kobe Bryant, who died before this book was published. In the audiobook version (yes I listened to it too), you could hear Tim's voice break as he spoke about his friend. It's that authentic passion that really carries across what he asks us to consider in the chapters. And just like in "Relentless," every element about Winning (he likes to put it in caps) is labeled number 1.

One chapter I particularly appreciated is one he wrote about our "Darker Side." In "Relentless", Tim wrote about the "Dark Side" - which every athlete has, no matter how squeaky-clean his/her image might be. Think Tiger Woods, whose dark side came out through his string of mistresses. The "Darker Side" is really about befriending those ghosts of the past we ALL have. Could be being cut from the high school varsity team (Michael Jordan), being overweight (Charles Barkley), or whatever the endless stream of indignities we've all experienced growing up. Embarassments, abuses, moments that seemed to scar us forever and that we'd really not like to relive again.

Yet we DO relive them again - they still lurk in the very back of our minds. And even if you may have tried to exorcise them through therapies, or processing, or whatever - they may still be hanging out back there. For me, I think about how I was tremendously bullied in middle school in Queens. I changed schools and went to a Catholic school (why, I don't know, I wasn't even Catholic) where I was awkward, chubby, glasses, braces, played the violin, my mom dressed me funny (I dreamed for Jordaches), and - egads - smart. UGH. That was one toxic combination and the mean girls came down hard (though they wanted me to help them with their homework).

I think about the bullies all the time because my daughter is 12 and it's a hard age and my mama eagle-eye is always on the prowl for any mean girl behavior towards her - or that she might be participating in.

Yet I realized after reflecting on "The Darker Side" chapter of this book, is that that poor little awkward bullied girl in that Catholic school uniform really created my superpower. She is my strength. She showed me how to carry myself with dignity and to flex my IDGAF muscle the summer I graduated and practiced my violin for hours every day and didn't give a sh*t about seeing those mean girls ever again. I went off to the Bronx High School of Science (with an average daily commute of 4-5 hours total per day) and I never ran into them again - even though I lived mere blocks from some of them (thanks for protecting me, Universe!). That sweet lumpy frumpy smart violinist showed me that the superpower of compassion (and I now have a tattoo with the Japanese word for "compassion"). She made me hungry to show these kids what I could do - and hey, I did it all, and then some.

I'm pretty sure I threw away all the ghastly photos of me in plaid pants and with headgear (YES THAT TOO), and the most horrible glasses and braces, but if I found one today I'd take it and frame it to look at every day. She is the rock star with the strength and desire to be the best I can be every day. She was a true f*cking gift and nothing to be embarrassed of. What gifts emerged from that four-year hellhole of a catholic school in Flushing, Queens.

Where is your Darker Side lurking? How maybe did he/she create the magic of who you are and the strength you have inside? Consider the exploration.

With love and gratitude -

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